Change

Well . . . I have been dreading writing this post. I am not sure if I am fully aware of the shock I am about to encounter at Bancroft. But maybe I will be pleasantly surprised for the better??? I have been on such a roller coaster ride with my emotions and maybe that's why I have been dreading this post!

Back in April I was asked by the HR Superintendent to move schools. I was in shock and of course my first response to myself was NO WAY. Then, as things progressed and conversations occurred it was in my best interest to move. I was going to be moved anyway either the following year or possibly now. So why not take destiny in your own hands and choose the circumstances. And the best news was that I could move with my team mate who I LOVE working with and just LOVE in general. I could also continue to teach Kindergarten.

I left a school that I had worked at for 11 years. I had built so many relationships with families. I got to watch so many kiddos grow up and continued to teach their siblings. I had wonderful families who helped me and were so kind. Stapling books, tracing projects, cutting things out, running copies and anything else I needed. I built so many friendships. I was incredibly spoiled and lucky to have had all the help that I received. I will never forget all the incredible parents at Loma! Thank you and I will miss them.

Leaving Loma was also difficult since Mackenzie went to school with me and Dylan was going to come this school year. It was an incredible experience to have her at school with me and to be able to check in and touch base with her. I was so lucky to have had that opportunity for her Kinder, First and Second grade years. I am terribly heartbroken that Dylan and I will not be able to experience the same thing. However, they are going to be attending school with their Aunty Tiff at an amazing school with so many enrichment opportunities. I know they are going to have an incredible time at Murdock. It is just sad for mommy! I had it all planned out about them coming to work with me - it's one of the "perks" of being a teacher right?

It feels very lonely at my new school at times too. No kids running up to me to hug me. No one knows who I am. No parents greeting me and asking if I need anything. I know some of that will change over time - but at the moment if feels very lonely. And then add a new principal on top of that.

The school's demographics are so different. Gates locked at all times. No coming on campus on the weekends. Huge English Learner population. Title 1 school who has been in Program Improvement for the last I don't know how many years. Very close to being taken over by the state - so there are so many things that are regulated. And the list goes on. . . .

Don't get me wrong. I am grateful that I have a job and once the school year gets rolling it will be okay. Change is just hard. At times I want to curl up in a ball and sob and wish my way back to Loma. However, I will hold my head up high, do my best, lead as an example for my kids. I will try to touch the lives of the kids I encounter and build new relationships at my new school.

Wish me luck! Bancroft Bobcats here I come!

Beauty and the Beast

Today the kids watched the play Beauty and the Beast at the Prado in Balboa Park. It was directed by the most talented Rayme Sciaroni who is a friend of Eunice and Karen. We have seen a couple of plays directed by him and he is amazing!

Both of my kids love plays/musicals and I am so happy. I have many fond memories of watching plays with my mom in Japan as a kid. It was one of our favorite things to do and I am glad I am able to share that with my own kids.

The thing that I love the most about going to see a play with my kids is watching them watch the play. I love to see the expression on their faces and the joy with which they watch the play.

Today as we watched Beauty and the Beast,there is a scene when the Beast lets Belle go back to her father and no longer holds her captive. The Beast needs Belle to love him, but he cares about her so much that he lets her go back to her dad. At that moment Dylan leans into me and very sadly concerned said, "Oh, he never gets to say I'm sorry to Belle." He was so sad - I told him not to worry that she will be back.

Then later on when the spell is finally broken and all of the "things" in the castle are turned human again, Dylan is the first one to clap loudly! He was so excited that it all ended happily. He was grinning from ear to ear and at one point was standing and clapping so loudly with excitement. The look on his face was so sweet! I am so glad that he is a softie with a big heart! He looks tough and all boy - but he has such a sweet spirit! Love him!

When the play was over, Dylan wanted his picture taken with every character he could find!



Dylan and the Beast



Dylan and Gaston


Lumiere and Cogsworth



All of us with Belle and the Director







Babette the Featherduster




Kenzie as Chip




Dylan as Chip

Happy Mother's Day

I got such a creative Mother's Day present this year from Mackenzie. I heard her early this Mother's Day morning rustling in her room as I lay in bed trying to wipe the cobwebs from my eyes. (I stayed up way to late watching Criminal Minds - that is a whole other subject!)

When I rolled out of bed half hour later she brought me this homemade box decorated with cute pictures. When I opened it, it contained the following: a real peanut, a silk flower, and a stick of gum. I smiled and thought it was an odd concoction until she said, "The peanut is because I'm nuts about you. The flower is because I think you are beautiful. And the gum is because I will always stick with you!" I was blown away by her creativity. Will and I looked at each other with amazement.






Mackenzie is constantly creating, drawing, making, writing and doing something crafty. She is happiest in her room with markers, glue, stapler, tape, glitter and crayons. Maybe one day she will make a name for herself! The next Martha Stewart . . . well . . . minus the jail time please!

The Ranch

We are so lucky to be able to spend time at the Corta Madera Ranch with the O'Bryans. It doesn't matter how many times we have been there - it is amazing! The wildlife is abundant and it is so peaceful and serene. My kids always have a blast. I love the time we get to spend outside enjoying nature!

Dylan "caught" a bass with help from Brian.

Dylan concentrating on getting his big catch.



Horse and cattle roam free.

A horse ride in the arena.


When we win the lotto maybe we can have a place on a ranch a like this. . . . ha ha!

Drive In

Tiff and I took the kids to the Santee Drive In to see Hop and Rango. We met at Wendy's for dinner in their pajamas and then off to the movies. The boys camped out in my car and the girls were in Aunty Tiff's car. They always have so much fun together. Everyone watched the first movie and the only trooper for the second movie was . . . Mackenzie. She stayed up till midnight to finish watching Rango.

Tiff and I did not watch more than 5 minutes of either movie. We were able to spend 4 hours together and have great uninterrupted conversations. We need to go to the drive in more often!

Fork in the Road

Don't you hate when you are chugging along in life and all seems to be going well and then BAM! Situations arise and you must make the best educated guess on how to handle a circumstance that will effect you and your family.

Today was one of those days. Felt blindsided. Unappreciated. Sad. Overwhelmed. Angry. But most of all feel confused. Hate these kinds of situations when there are so many unknowns. Right now I want to be a kid again and not have to make important decisions that effect others. I want to run away and let some other person make the decisions.

Wish I had a crystal ball. But I don't. I guess I better go chant about it instead.

Five

Tomorrow my "baby" will turn five. . . I can't believe it. Time has literally flown by. How can it be that he will start school in the fall. I no longer have babies. I have school aged children. How sad is that?

I hugged Dylan tonight and told him that I did not want him to turn five. He told me he was sorry but he had to. He said even if I canceled his party, he would still turn five and he just had to do it. He assured me not to worry because he will love me forever and will never leave our house. He said he is going to live with me until "I'm like 30 mommy". I hope that is not the case!

Every time the children have a birthday I feel so melancholy. I hate that they are getting older. And this time if feels even worse because he's the youngest one. I could honestly have a big pity party and burst into tears now! Oh - if I were younger I would get pregnant in a heartbeat - well that's if it were up to me. Will keeps saying "Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind?" He said I can't keep having babies every time one gets older or else we'll never stop! Hmmm. I wonder if I had the money and did not have to worry about space, daycare, college etc. how many children I would have. Maybe we would have been a family of 6! Seven including my dad! How fun would that be? I know crazy right?

So . . . anyone want to have a healthy baby for me? I'll take either a girl or boy - not picky at all. Any takers ???

Pregnant

We are surrounded by a lot of friends who are pregnant or have just recently had babies. Mackenzie loves babies and yes she would love it if we had an addition to our family - but the only addition I would even consider adding at my age would be a puppy - so don't get any ideas!

Mackenzie is very fascinated by pregnancy. She is particularly inspired by Leslie! She has seen Leslie's belly grow from nothing to the cute little basketball that she carries now. Every couple of weeks Mackenzie will comment on how Leslie's belly is growing bigger and bigger.

So for the past couple of weeks I have noticed her playing with her dolls again. Holding them and caring for them - really sweet right? Except now she is "pregnant". I have caught her stuffing her shirt to look pregnant and standing in front of her mirror "admiring" her belly. Then when she notices that I have peeked in on her she gets super embarrassed and "deflates" her belly.

I was able to snap a few "hidden" pictures when they were playing outside. When she realized I had taken a picture she was super mad! If she only knew I am blogging about it!

It's kind of funny to see her "pregnant" and I'm sure it's all due to fascination because of so many people having babies - but I hope this is a sight I DO NOT see until she is married and at least in her late 20's!

Look what an impact you've made Leslie!

Bittersweet

For the last 3 years my job has always been uncertain from year to year. Who would have thought that after 11 years of teaching I would need to worry about losing my job. That is how bad the state of California is in. We are losing some wonderful veteran teachers who love doing what they do because the state can't get it together and seems to be digging themselves into a deeper hole. I have some great ideas on how to fix the budget - but that would be a whole other blog - and one that might be offensive to some - so we'll leave that topic alone.

Every January all the prospective budget cuts are discussed and I start sitting on pins and needles wondering if I will get cut. This year was the same and I decided I was not going to let all this crap effect what kind of teacher I am. I could easily go into a tailspin and be sucked into all the negativity that occurs. Instead I avoided being wrapped up in the "what ifs" and decided to take it as it comes. Really what more can I do? It is not productive to sit and wallow in what might happen. And today I got the great news that I am spared once again - for now. I felt such a sense of relief and joy. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. But then I remembered . . .

That in the very same minute that I felt joy - someone else was crushed. My heart was saddened for all those teachers who will not be spared. As of right now teachers who were hired after October of 2001 need to go to a reduction in force meeting. Now think about this. These are people who have taught for 10 years.

For the last 3 years I have had a new kinder teammate each year because of all the budget cuts. My heart is so sad for these friends and many other wonderful teachers who have no idea where their career is going from year to year. What school will they be at? What grade? Or if they will have a job at all. I am so sorry to all those wonderful people. It is wrong.

And then . . . another slap in the face. We find out that our superintendent of instruction, human resources, and finances all just renewed their contract until the year 2015. What does that mean? It means they were looking out for themselves to make sure they are ok. One of the propositions was to cut one superintendent to save money (after all they do make $200,ooo a year). So they made sure that could not happen. In this time of budget cuts, salary reductions,teachers losing jobs, larger class sizes etc. they go behind closed doors to lock in their contract.

I am so disappointed. I thought I worked for people with more integrity, humanity, and morals. How can they sit safe when the district is looking at a bare bones system. Some of the proposals made to save money are: no librarians, 80% principals, 5 hour health clerks, maintenance will only mow when necessary, cutting custodial duties, secretaries at 80%, class sizes at 32, less salary for teachers, and getting rid of 50 teachers. And . . .the school board approved their contracts. What is wrong with this picture?

In the long run - it all trickles down to the kids. The kids pay the price. My own children pay the price. And I hate that. I know it happens in big business all the time - it's very cut throat. I wanted to think (naive me) that this was not a business - that it is a school where we are educating children for the future. I was wrong.

Happy 2011

New Year's Day has always been special for our family. We would go to our SGI meeting and then come home and sit under the kotatsu (heater-table) and eat some delicious homemade Japanese food. I miss those days with my mom. Now we still go to our SGI meeting and then visit mom at the cemetery.

The new year is significant in Japan because it's a fresh start to a new year. Time to make resolutions and set goals to accomplish for the year. It's also a time to reflect upon the year that has passed and see what you have achieved and what is still left to do.

Here is a poem that was sent to me this Christmas that really resonated with me.

Be Thankful

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something

For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.

During those times, you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations

Because they give you opportunity for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge

Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes

They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary

Because it means you've made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are

Also thankful for the setbacks.

Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles

And they can become your blessings.

I think this resonates so deeply with me because in Buddhism we have the power to turn all negative situations into a blessing. Each hardship is an opportunity for an individual to grow and deepen their faith and find their buddha nature. It is up to me to have the determination to change "poison into medicine". No prayer ever goes unanswered. I have deep gratitude that one of the most important legacies my mom passed on to me is this Buddhism. With this Buddhism I can accomplish anything! Today, I will not be defeated. Today, I will courageously advance!